Part of the struggle for me writing about consistency is that I'm pretty new at being consistent and I've found it difficult to explain. What I've discovered is being consistent is generally an individualized concept. Before I started thinking about consistency and what it is, I thought it meant the same thing to everyone. I mean, isn't that what consistency is? "the same thing" all the time?
However, through conversations with friends and thinking through my own views, I've realized consistency varies greatly, not only between people but also activities. For instance, in my life, I consider exercising 5-6 days/week to be consistent and I love being that consistent. One of my best friends says that exercising 7 days/week is consistent. Neither one of us is wrong per se. The difference lies in the importance, or value, we place on exercising. Though I really wanted to write about consistency (and still do), I believe I need to talk about values first. Our values impact how we determine what consistency means for each of us.
What I figured out is being consistent with an activity stems from my values and the importance I place on the task or activity. It actually took me quite a bit of time (also trying to write this post three other times) and a long conversation with my counselor to clarify this concept in my head.
I've heard people talk about values, core values, and values clarification for years. I've taken classes where I was to examine my values and how they impacted how I saw the world. Even in those classes I never really thought critically about my values. My thinking stayed at a surface level. Once those classes were over, I never bothered thinking about my values again. Until recently. The process of discovering values can take a long time, especially when you start digging deeper into the meaning of the values you hold for yourself. Identifying your core values isn't always easy, but when you know what they are you've set yourself up to live your best life in a consistent manner.
You're probably wondering how (maybe even why) I switched from talking about consistency to values. As I started writing I realized that before I could be consistent I needed to know my values. I want to share this discovery process with the hope it will challenge you to think about your own values and the reasons behind them. As you identify your values, ask yourself if you are living a consistent life according to your values. Please don't think this is a quick and easy process. I am very much still in this process of discovering and identifying my values.
My discovery process started in early 2018. I was working full-time, struggling mentally and emotionally. I was trying to figure out what really mattered, what was important to me and the idea of leaving a legacy. Everything got put on hold in early April when my dad suddenly died. When he died I was struck with the very real realization that life is indeed short, we don't know when our time will be up. I wondered if I wasn't living for things that mattered was I really even living.
In the time since my dad died, I have begun to approach life through the lens of living for things that matter. Which led me to the question "how do you live a life that matters?" The answer I found is to live, breathe, and die by my values. So what do you do when you aren't exactly sure what your values are? You start discovering those values and figuring out what it means to live by them.
I started by asking a friend who is a social worker if she had any value identification exercises I could do on my own. I googled values, value identification, values clarification, read articles and talked with my counselor. The more research I did I realized I could look at major decisions I had made in life, good and bad, to identify values I held in the past. Even before that I also realized I needed a foundation before I could even start identifying my values. This realization caused me to look at the person God designed me and who he wants me to be. This is where the discovery process becomes hard. Identifying values is work and sometimes creates more questions than answers. You will have to dig deep in your soul and know your foundation.
Before my dad died I rarely thought about what mattered most. I kind of just went with the flow of life. I rarely got invested in anything, very little of my life was done with intention. Through this discovery process and dealing with my dad's death, I recognize that is not how I want to live my life. I want to be intentional, invest in people and in my own life. My goals for the future include investing more in my coaching community and sharing that opportunity with others who are looking for a sense of community. Continuing the journey of identifying my values and their importance in my consistency will be essential for me living a life that matters.
What are your values? How do you find consistency in your life? Do you need (or want) help on your own values discovery? I invite you to leave a comment here so we can keep the conversation going.
