This is now the fourth time I've attempted to write about "consistency". You see, learning how to be consistent has been a big part of my journey, especially with my health. Each time I would write several pages but never say anything worthwhile. So I would let a few days pass before starting over. That has been the last month.
Part of the struggle for me writing about consistency is that I'm pretty new at being consistent and I've found it difficult to explain. What I've discovered is being consistent is generally an individualized concept. Before I started thinking about consistency and what it is, I thought it meant the same thing to everyone. I mean, isn't that what consistency is? "the same thing" all the time?
However, through conversations with friends and thinking through my own views, I've realized consistency varies greatly, not only between people but also activities. For instance, in my life, I consider exercising 5-6 days/week to be consistent and I love being that consistent. One of my best friends says that exercising 7 days/week is consistent. Neither one of us is wrong per se. The difference lies in the importance, or value, we place on exercising. Though I really wanted to write about consistency (and still do), I believe I need to talk about values first. Our values impact how we determine what consistency means for each of us.
What I figured out is being consistent with an activity stems from my values and the importance I place on the task or activity. It actually took me quite a bit of time (also trying to write this post three other times) and a long conversation with my counselor to clarify this concept in my head.
I've heard people talk about values, core values, and values clarification for years. I've taken classes where I was to examine my values and how they impacted how I saw the world. Even in those classes I never really thought critically about my values. My thinking stayed at a surface level. Once those classes were over, I never bothered thinking about my values again. Until recently. The process of discovering values can take a long time, especially when you start digging deeper into the meaning of the values you hold for yourself. Identifying your core values isn't always easy, but when you know what they are you've set yourself up to live your best life in a consistent manner.
You're probably wondering how (maybe even why) I switched from talking about consistency to values. As I started writing I realized that before I could be consistent I needed to know my values. I want to share this discovery process with the hope it will challenge you to think about your own values and the reasons behind them. As you identify your values, ask yourself if you are living a consistent life according to your values. Please don't think this is a quick and easy process. I am very much still in this process of discovering and identifying my values.
My discovery process started in early 2018. I was working full-time, struggling mentally and emotionally. I was trying to figure out what really mattered, what was important to me and the idea of leaving a legacy. Everything got put on hold in early April when my dad suddenly died. When he died I was struck with the very real realization that life is indeed short, we don't know when our time will be up. I wondered if I wasn't living for things that mattered was I really even living.
In the time since my dad died, I have begun to approach life through the lens of living for things that matter. Which led me to the question "how do you live a life that matters?" The answer I found is to live, breathe, and die by my values. So what do you do when you aren't exactly sure what your values are? You start discovering those values and figuring out what it means to live by them.
I started by asking a friend who is a social worker if she had any value identification exercises I could do on my own. I googled values, value identification, values clarification, read articles and talked with my counselor. The more research I did I realized I could look at major decisions I had made in life, good and bad, to identify values I held in the past. Even before that I also realized I needed a foundation before I could even start identifying my values. This realization caused me to look at the person God designed me and who he wants me to be. This is where the discovery process becomes hard. Identifying values is work and sometimes creates more questions than answers. You will have to dig deep in your soul and know your foundation.
Before my dad died I rarely thought about what mattered most. I kind of just went with the flow of life. I rarely got invested in anything, very little of my life was done with intention. Through this discovery process and dealing with my dad's death, I recognize that is not how I want to live my life. I want to be intentional, invest in people and in my own life. My goals for the future include investing more in my coaching community and sharing that opportunity with others who are looking for a sense of community. Continuing the journey of identifying my values and their importance in my consistency will be essential for me living a life that matters.
What are your values? How do you find consistency in your life? Do you need (or want) help on your own values discovery? I invite you to leave a comment here so we can keep the conversation going.
Sitting in a coffee shop trying to figure out how to begin. I'm reminded of something I heard recently, no idea where, "when you don't know what to do, just start". Sometimes if takes a while to figure out what you want to say. So I just gotta start.
As we begin to get to know each other you'll see that "starting" is one of the most difficult things in the world for me. I'm so scared I'll mess up or even fail, so I just never start. Once I get started, it is easier. That's when consistency comes in to play, but that is a whole other thing. For today, I'm starting.
I've thought about, dreamed about writing for years. I used to journal daily, but that was so different. My journal was for me, and just for me. Every now and again, I might share something with a close friend or my counselor. Those were super rare occasions and only when there was something specific I wanted to share.
Last year, in February, I had the idea to start a blog. I was working with a life coach, and realized it would be great way for me to communicate with people about my new business. I did some research, asked Google lots of questions, and then watched the recommended YouTube videos. I knew getting started would be challenging, but my life coach helped me so much by holding me accountable for doing the things I said I would do. Since I was new to blogging and my business, I chose this platform, Blogger. It was simple to use for a beginner, I already had a Google account and it's FREE. A huge selling point to someone starting a new business.
I brainstormed names for this blog; going as far as to enlist my husband because he is really pretty clever. As I was in the brainstorming process, my coach pointed out that I would need a name for the website as well as the blog. I'll admit, it took me a few days for me to realize that the blog title and website name did not have to be the same. #smh Deciding on the name for the website was way easier than figuring out the name for my blog. I simply used my email address. You see, I am a K-State University football fan. Have been for over 30 years (WHOA! that's a long, long time). When you think about it, it just makes sense for me to use "ksufbfan" as my website name.
At this point, I was still working on a title for the blog. I had my husband and a couple of close friends helping me brainstorm. Nothing really clicked for me. The ideas were clever and/or funny, but none of them felt like me and the me I am working to become. One Saturday night sitting in church, the pastor said something that struck a chord with me. He was talking about taking the time to remember the moments in life. I was reminded those little special moments are really all any of us have. I loved it. From that night on I knew "Remember the Moments" was going to be the name of this blog.
Part of what made me identify with the phrase "remember the moments" was the timing of the message. It was shortly after Christmas and I had spent the holiday with my parents and brother. It was the first time in nearly 20 years it was just the four of us. It was a special time for us to just be us. I will treasure that Christmas for the rest of my life. Knowing, at the same time, I can't live in the past. Connecting to the future is an extremely important concept for me, however, I can always "remember the moments".
The "remember the moments" phrase also reminds me to connect with life; all of life, the feelings, thoughts, memories, activities, just all of it. I got tired of trying to figure everything out and constantly looking for the next "thing" that would bring me happiness or fulfillment. What I realized is that this moment, today, in this noisy coffee shop, it's all I'm guaranteed. So, despite the noise and chaos of this busy coffee shop, I choose to put my headphones in, turn up some classical music (because music with words distracts me), and start writing to you.
Even though starting this blog officially happened over a year ago, I feel like I'm starting over. In a lot of ways, I am. My life is incredibly different than it was in February 2018 and I'm changed. I'm ready to start.
I invite you to connect with me, and yourself, as we start this journey called life.
You know, we've all heard it. We've all looked for it. That one thing. That one thing we are meant to do for the rest of our lives. That one thing that fits us just perfectly. The one thing that would fulfill you and make you happy for the rest of your days.
But, what if, there isn't just "one" thing?
My name is Melanie, and I am a Jill-of-all-trades (you know, like Jack-but the female version😏). I've had several different types of jobs at this point in my life. I've done well at all of them. But none of them have been the "one". I've not ever been fired from a job, or told not to come back. I've been fortunate enough to be able to leave jobs that no longer fit me and vice versa.
Yet, still, I always wanted to find that "one" job. The perfect job for me. Where I would enjoy the job more days than not. Where I would look forward to getting up in the morning (there are people who do this!). But, you know, I think I eventually gave up looking for that perfect job. I settled for jobs where I knew I would be successful, but not necessarily happy or fulfilled.
The year 2016 was a bit brutal health wise. I had my right hip scoped in April and my left knee scoped in October. As you might imagine, this made physical activity even more challenging than normal. I was frustrated and tired of being over weight. I wanted to weigh what my drivers license says. For the last 10 years, I've said that it was my goal weight. 😁
In September, a friend invited me to join her accountability group on Facebook. I had watched her gain weight during her pregnancy and then watched again as she worked hard to lose it. Which she did! I joined her accountability group and watched. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. Sure my friend told me that these people were there to support and encourage me. But I didn't really know how much to believe, so I observed for quite a while.
Slowly, things started to change for me. After the knee scope in October, my friend asked me to do a MMA style workout with her and a couple of other gals from the group. I'd done kickboxing in the past, and loved it, so I said "sure". The program was amazing. I wasn't actually able to complete it because my left hip started to hurt, but that's for another time. I was hooked on this accountability group and the people. They encouraged me throughout my knee scope, when I started the MMA program, and even when I had to quit! This group of women and a few men were just plain supportive. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. The majority of the people in the group, I have never met in person.
My friend invited me to participate in a "coach opportunity" group on Facebook. I was super skeptical. I didn't want to sell anything. That's not who I am. But I saw how much my friend loved this coaching thing and I was curious. As I listened to this coach opportunity I realized, "I don't have to sell anything!" I could sign up as discount coach. I got all the benefits of an active coach; the primary benefit being 25% off all products. And to boot, I got to be in another Facebook group with even more inspiring and encouraging women. I knew I wanted and needed this in my life.
I didn't sign-up immediately, I thought about it and prayed about it. I knew I wanted to be a coach, full time - not just a discount coach. But, I was nervous and scared, as most people are when they embark on a new phase in life. I tell you what though, it was obvious to me that this was the direction I wanted my life to go. I was tired of simply surviving every day. I wanted to enjoy life and find my niche.
So, this coach thing? It is the one thing I've been looking for. At the end of 2017, I made the decision to pursue coaching full time. I love working with people and helping them. Beachbody has inspired me to help people through fitness and nutrition (says the girl who 💖 cookies!) and some other fun ideas I have swirling around in my head. There is a freedom with this business I have never experienced. It's exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time, which is what makes this so fun for me. It's a grand adventure and I finally feel like I've found my path.
I am so excited to start this journey and I would love to have you join me. I am planning two groups in February that will focus on fitness, nutrition, and accountability. Drop any comments or questions below.
